"If you think of me, I'll impregnate your minds."

Me: How do you spell, 'melancholy'?

My sister: I don't even know how to spell Google right now.

Fancy me a drink?

“

—	My sister in her younger years.

Did you all receive the cards?

“

—	My sister in her younger years

If the Lion King were going on real life, we would think that the little one was trying to kill the big one. Disney exists so we don’t shoot the little one.

“

—	My sister while we watch The Lion King

My sister: I thought it was eleven in the morning and i was wondering why you were awake.
Me: Emmy it's 6:47.
My sister: WHERE AM I?

My mom hands me a letter I got from the National Christian College Fairs

Mom: I think you should go and find a nice Christian boy

Me: Oh yes, I'll become a Republican, get married, and damn Alicia to hell for being a Lesbian.

Does your face hurt like a book? Facebook.

“

—	(via allycatchan)

Batmans car looks like a mullet. Business in the front, party in the back.

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Goddammit! I am the worst person ever! God can go crawl into a corner and masturbate!

“

—

My sister

I think that man thought i was glaring at him. I didn’t mean to seem fowl sir! I love you as much as a stranger should love another!

“